lucifershipsit:

 

thorxndor:

I was sitting on my friends bed with her when she came out as gay

and I was looking through a Chinese food pamphlet

so I put it down, looked at her and said “I was going to suggest ordering food but I see now you’d prefer to eat out”

and I don’t think she’s ever really forgave me  

snorlaxatives:

7 billion people, 14 billion ass cheeks

and nipples

folieadude:

HE’S SO ATTRACTIVE SOMEONE SHOOT ME RIGHT IN THE EYE

tupacabra:

prettygirlfrommichigan:

tupacabra:

name one fragrance commercial that has ever made sense

wat are u talking about they all make scents

shut the fuck up

germanyisgay:

teenscoolest:

OMG I CANT STOP LAUGHING

germanyisgay:

teenscoolest:

OMG I CANT STOP LAUGHING

theimpolitecanadian:

when you drink the water and the tummy go sploosh sploosh

molebucks:

lovely-dna:

molebucks:

treat me like a college textbook. spend lots of money on me but never touch or look at me

no. treat me like your favorite book. keep me by your side, touch my every page, learn all my twists and turns, remember every word I say, even the ones that make you cry

*4-second-long fart noise*